"Saga of Bad Bones 98"

Now this is a tale - A story per se

Of thirteen motorcyclists - Who only wanted to play

But, with cause and effect - Something really quite abstract

Events start to happen - Something I’ll try to reenact!!

It all started at Jimmy’s - But, he couldn’t go

He’d broken his pelvis - Which was really quite a blow

But with Enid his wife - So hospitable and pure

We crowned him our spiritual leader - Yes, that was for sure!!

We spent a lovely night - Sharing beer and lies

Enjoying the companionship - Just Enid and the guys

The Bad Bones Tour - Was the name dubbed in fun

But it had much more meaning - When this trip was done!!

Todd did the planning - Of this big event

Most rented their cycles - Which was money well spent

There was rafting and swimming - And you know about guys

Stuff that’s not mentioned - Unless there are spies!!

Of course there was Goober - Also known as Big Ed

With his lactose intolerance - Too much milk, he’d be dead

He was quick on the trigger - With his plastic charge card

He’d pay for it all - And show little regard!!

"Just pay me your share" - "I’ll take it in cash"

Some of the riders didn’t mind - Other thought it quite rash

There were Larry and Steven - Who were joined at the hip

The thought of riding with "Yuppies" - Caused them to yip!!

They didn’t last long - With Harley hats and all

They dropped out on Monday - Before there was a brawl

Larry was grousing about "Yuppies" - And something about class

When Dan made the comment - "I’ve never seen you use a glass"!!

Say what you want to about lawyers - Cause we had one of our own

Good old Greg Gremillion - Who always rode alone

Oh, it wasn’t by choice - He was the last to arrive

He got stuck with the Nitehawk - Which made it hard to survive!!

But he was a great sport - Through the good and the bad

Even when Boze balanced Greg’s glasses - Just above his "gonad"

It really was quite funny - This little one eyed man

With glasses placed on his nose - By Boze, the comedian!!

But "payback" is hell - And the last laugh is loud

Boze needed a towel - And Greg’s looked like a shroud

When using a towel - What’s the last thing you wipe

Well, he lent Boze his towel - After more than one swipe!!

Yes, boys will be boys - And after the raft ride

Goober had to leave the party - Though he still had his pride

It wasn’t unexpected - He had to return to work

He’d dumped Wayne and Dan - Off of the raft with a smirk!!

They’d had something planned - Retribution, you know

But Goober had gotten away - For now, he could crow

Each group has one - As Todd can attest

He’d made all the arrangements - Trying to please every guest!!

Why don’t we do this - Let’s stay in a hotel

We can wash and stay cool - And then we won’t smell

So the group split in two - Fink led some to a bath

While the rest followed Todd - Down the man’s path!!

It was all in good nature - And considering the number of men

Things were going quite smoothy - According to Zen

Rob was a good rider - And his influence was felt

He was quiet and steady - And played the hand he was dealt!!

Now Andy was graphic - As he talked of his son

He had Enid blushing - Before the trip had even begun

`What is a "Prince Albert" - No, it’s not in a can

It’s a pierced ring in your dick - How’s that for a he-man!!

If looks are deceiving - Then Andy would stupefy

Philosophy was his major - And what a smart, sweet guy

Now Wayne was the "Smoothie" - In more ways than one

He was a very good rider - Always one of the fastest to run!!

He and Dan wouldn’t wait - We were each on our own

They’d gas up and go - Causing some to piss and moan!!

It wasn’t just go - They knew how to ride

So, trying to catch them - Was sometimes, quite undignified!!

Boze and Fink shipped their bikes - All the way to New York

They wanted no surprises - Neither guy was a dork

A brand new BMW - Boze was proud as could be

And Fink with his Valkrie - These boys were on a spree!!

But Boze had his problems - Two huge ones, you know

He couldn’t find a helmet - Having ears big enough to throw

But with his keen sense of humor - He’d keep a smile on his face

We are what we are - And that’s no disgrace!!

So Boze and Fink made the trade - They each swapped bikes that day

The twenty-third of June - And Fink went on his way

But rounding a corner - A Sport Utility was in his lane

So he swerved to left - But much to his disdain!!

There sat a parked car - In the middle of the road

He totaled Boze’s BMW - But it didn’t explode

He had ten breaks in his femur - And his shoulder had one

Spending a week in Bennington, Vermont - Where the surgery was done!!

Now three weeks at home - Thinking about next years ride

Should we do it on a Greyhound - Let them be our guide

No, I’m just kidding - I hope you all finished having fun

I just paid Boze for his bike - So I’m almost ready to run!!

Now this is for the ladies - I understand your concern

But please, let your guy cycle - Don’t forbid him to return

You can see we had fun - And bonded as well

When all of us are older - These are the stories we’ll tell!!

I’m sending each of you a copy - Of this Rhyme that I wrote

It was all meant in fun - As I remembered each anidote

So, please read and enjoy - And show whom you will

And think about next year - When we’ll redo the thrill!!