If we could get him to the car – We’d stash him in the trunk

The Maid Of Honor is giddy – She brought her own wine

Although she is staggering – She says, she’s just fine!!

The flower girl wants to know – If she can have a drink

Two of the groomsmen are heaving – In the hotel bathroom sink

The brides dad doesn’t drink – But the stress is so high

He’s standing at the bar – With his wife, who’s started to cry!!

The dinner is over – And the Bestman starts his toast

"Hey, I really love you guys" – The bride is staring, white as a ghost

"Maybe we can go fishing" – He stammers along

The grooms mother is muttering – "Why is everything going wrong"!!

Then comes the Maid of Honor – Taking her turn

"You guys are the greatest" – Every sober face shows concern

Then the mic starts moving – Out into the crowd

A neighbor starts rambling – About twenty years ago, quite loud!!

Now comes the Aunt – Of the former bride to be

The women in our family – Are smart, can’t you see

We don’t take no guff – Though our men are quite bright

And you’d better not bother us – Or be ready to fight!!

The brides father finally grabs it – He’s got the mic in his hand

He stands up and begins speaking – As he looks over at the band

Thank you all for attending – And you can tell at a glance

They’re a perfectly matched couple – After my toast, lets all dance!!

He raises his glass – And toasts the bride and groom

Wishing them much happiness – From everyone in the room

But people are still laughing – About the toasts from before

Wondering what the heck happened – That we all had to endure!!

It could have been prevented – With two easy rules

No drinking before the reception – So you’re not acting like fools

Designate the Toasters – Review what they’ll say